just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
