Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I could fuck to npr.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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