you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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