I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
