Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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