i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
