yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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