k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
