Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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