he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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