I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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