Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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