is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
