well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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