think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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