I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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