I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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