I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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