Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
