Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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