the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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