Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
