i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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