if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
