This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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