i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He better not be in your backpack
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
