# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
