break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
