so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
