Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
