I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
