You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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