I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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