She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
