just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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