He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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