Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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