im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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