You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
