Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
