So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
