Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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