Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship