Sry I called you an 8
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now