I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably