I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am