When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."