i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen