its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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