I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
