and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
