some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
