ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
