Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
