Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
