I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
