So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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