Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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