i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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