dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
