Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize