but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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