I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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