he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
