She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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